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Here are some of the signs you’re dating an emotionally intelligent person:1. “This is probably what we think of most when we think of emotional intelligence,” says Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences of UMass Amherst.“They can read you well — and your moods — without you having to spell it out in excruciating detail.So it only makes sense that in the romantic arena, it should work the same way. The more stuff I do, the more accomplishments and awards I have, the more girls (or boys) will like me. Please say I'm right, because I've spent a LOT of time and energy accumulating this mental jewelry, and I'm going to be really bummed if you tell me it's not going to get me laid.Well, it's not going to get you laid, brother (or sister).They can tell what’s bothering you at the moment, and what would make you feel good.” And they'll never be the ones to just say "oh, that's too bad" and turn back to scrolling through Instagram — they'll actually relate and make you feel way less alone with your problems.2.They really make an effort to get along with the people closest to you.“With impulsivity, you’re really not listening, you’re really not paying attention to other people.” says Whitbourne. AKA, your partner will never commit to three parties in one night and drag you to all of them. Needless to say, your opinion will ALWAYS matter to them.
Those kids graduate and pretty much continue to have the same dating woes -- only now with fewer single people around who happen to live in the same building and share meals with them every day.Everyone’s had that one friend whose boyfriend they hated.“You don’t live in isolation from others, and if your partner is always offending people, that’s going to end up having an effect on you,” says Whitbourne.Dating is at best another extracurricular, number six or number seven down the list, somewhere between Model UN and intramural badminton.
I've been co-hosting young alumni events for name-brand schools for long enough to know that these kids come out a little lopsided (which sounds so much better than "socially awkward," don't you think? All they need is a little tune up, or a little dating textbook like The Tao of Dating for Women or The Tao of Dating for Men, to get them going -- plus a little practice.
As an example: “A partner like that can be good for telling you when your sister-in-law is manipulating you, without being overly-critical of you or her, and look at ways you could better stand up for yourself,” says Whitbourne. They simply can’t move on until there’s an understanding between you two. “Usually, what you can expect the emotionally intelligent person to do is not launch into a bunch of attacks on the other person," says Whitbourne.